Edward's Love
by ttharman
Summary: Some days I miss you so freaking much, the laughter, the smile and the good times; then I remember how we got where we are and then I don't miss you at all. Now EPOV
1. Chapter 1

_**The events depicted in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.**_

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I know she has to be sleeping with him, she has to be, and she looks so carefree when she is with him.

God, I love her so much I am just so scared she will be like Tanya. I can't go through that again, not with Bella, if she loves him then I will let her go.

It will be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Yes," she whispers.

I want to kill him, but I did this, I forced them together; all because I am insecure.

In that instant my life is over.


	2. Chapter 2

I never want her to be alone, so I ask him to keep tabs on her, take her shopping, go to the grocery store, to the movies whatever she wants, be there for her when I can't be.

I travel all the time and I want to make sure she is taken care of always.

It starts out innocent-I can see that-she flirts with him, but then again Bella flirts with everyone. She is the person that flirts with girls, boys, babies and dogs. She has such a big personality you can't help but love her.

I still love her, I have always loved her.


	3. Chapter 3

I start noticing the two of them sharing their own private jokes, like little inside things I never get. This is when I start getting paranoid that maybe my baby brother is moving in on the girl of my dreams. So I mention maybe he should date other people; she is pissed.

I don't know why I don't leave her, but I can't, I can't give her up. I need her, I know it isn't healthy. This relationship isn't built on trust. She is with my brother more than she is with me, and I force them together because I can't get past my own past, which was over five years ago.

The past that I want to let go, Tanya is gone forever, never to love me again. She was killed in a car accident with my best friend, whom she had been seeing behind my back for over a year. I wanted to marry her; I loved her and she broke my heart. I don't think I have ever quite gotten past it, and then came Bella, my Bella.

I put her on a pedestal, believing she can do no wrong. In my eyes she can't even if in reality she is. She is my Bella, my love and my life.


	4. Chapter 4

When Emmett starts dating Irina, I know right then I should pay more attention. Bella is moody all the time. He is moody, and Irina always makes snide comments about Bella and Emmett dating.

I clarify that one fast "No, he keeps tabs on her for me. She's too precious to let out of my sight."

Even though deep down I know it's more than that, she is precious to me, I never want to hurt her in anyway. Though I do, in the worst possible way, I love her too much and drive her into the arms of another.


	5. Chapter 5

My schedule changes, I travel less, I truly thought Bella would be more excited to spend time with me. She is, but we don't see them as much anymore. Irina says she wants Emmett to spend time with her. She doesn't want to share him; funny because I'm fairly sure she still is Irina just doesn't know it.

I know he still comes around. I just don't want to acknowledge it, I feel as though I've failed Bella If I never acknowledge it then it doesn't exist right?

So wrong, I am just so wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

I will never forget the day Bella sees their engagement announcement, she cries for hours and won't tell me why.

I think maybe that is what she wants, marriage, but it scares the shit out of me. I don't think that is something I can give her.

Maybe I should give her up now, but I can't and therefore I don't. I pick up the pieces that he leaves scattered behind. It should piss me off and in a way it does, but I know this is my fault too.

I should talk to Bella, tell her how I feel, see if we can work this out, instead I go drinking and I meet her.

Kate is a great distraction, she is always there when I need her, and she knows about Bella. She knows I will never leave Bella. She accepts that and accepts the part time relationship I can offer.


	7. Chapter 7

I take Bella away for our anniversary; I want to see if she still loves me like I love her. I'm prepared to break it off with Kate just so it could be me and Bella.

Then it happens, why does she have to ruin everything?

"Move in with me," she whispers.

I can't, I just can't. I am not ready for that. I need time and space, it scares me, and instead of talking to Bella I run to her.

I avoid Bella; I can't look her in the eyes anymore knowing that I'm the one now breaking her heart this time.


	8. Chapter 8

But then Irina comes to me, she tells me she's leaving my brother, and he has been cheating on her with Bella. I thought, I suspected, but I need it confirmed so I ask.

"Bella, are you cheating on me? Are you sleeping with Emmett?" I yell, "Bella? I asked you a fucking question goddammit, fucking answer me!"

Then the girl I love looks at me with tears in her eyes and nods, she fucking nods.

My life is over at that moment. I can't breathe. I want to kill them both. I hate them both; the two people I love most in the world have been lying to me behind my back.

"You pushed us together," she screams, "You always had him around. He was always with me. I couldn't go anywhere without him. People thought I was dating him and not you. That's how much I was with him, ALL the FUCKING TIME!"

"Do not put this blame on me, Bella, you knew what you did was wrong. I can't do this anymore," I cry as I walk out and slam the door behind me.


	9. Chapter 9

I hate her, I hate her so fucking much, but I only think of her as I fuck Kate.

Kate fills that space, she never asks questions, never questions where we are or where our "relationship" is going, she is just happy to be with me.

Kate is a great distraction, she is what I need to get over her, but of course life is never that simple.

Bella calls, leaves notes and sends flowers. I want to scream, "Bitch just leave me the fuck alone."

I change my number, though I still ride by her house. I can't leave her alone truly; my heart still aches for her, well what is left of it.


	10. Chapter 10

Kate and I decide to officially start dating. I figure I have to eventually right?

One night out, we see Bella at the Mexican place we all used to frequent together. I look up shocked to see her, but then I smirk at the look of disgust on her face when she sees Kate.

Priceless.

It's nice to know, I can still get under her skin, that I affect her the same fucking way she affects me.

Until that pretty boy shows up at her table. I want to fucking punch him. I want to make him bleed for talking to my girl.

Then I remember, she is no longer mine, but that doesn't keep my anger at bay. As we're leaving Kate bitches to me about how Bella cheated on me with my own brother, and how I shouldn't be concerned with her anymore.

Fuck her. And fuck Bella.

I will concern myself with whatever I damn well please, and if I can't be happy then neither should Bella.


	11. Chapter 11

I see that pretty boy a few weeks later out with her, and I know I have to say something; of course I don't want Bella to know.

"So you and Bella, huh?" I ask him, slurring as I speak.

"Yeah, she's awesome, are you a friend of hers?" he asks completely oblivious to who I am.

"You could say that, I am the one she thinks about while she fucks you. I am the one that she will always come running back to motherfucker, so if you know what is good for you, you'll leave her alone. She belongs to me," I smile down at him.

"Uh, Uh, she has never mentioned you, and I have no fucking clue who you are, dick," he says as he bows his chest out.

"Just ask her about Edward," I tell him.

"Edward," as he says my name his face falls, "Edward, yeah I know who you are, she doesn't talk about you, but I know."

He doesn't say another word as he walks away, this makes me wonder what she says; she talks in her sleep sometimes. That is why I always wondered about her and Emmett; she used to say his name as well.

Maybe I do still have a chance.


	12. Chapter 12

Going to Dragon Con today with Savage, Robin-Jut-Robin and Soapy Mayhem...update maybe later. I will try from my phone or may just high jack one of their laptops -lol

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As the months pass, I push Bella to the back of my mind; I don't go by her house anymore. I know that Emmett has been over there. He and Irina broke up so I figure she is helping mend his broken heart.

I couldn't care less I tell myself.

I just want to move on. My heart is mending, it still bleeds for her, but no one needs to know that. My sister is the only person in the world I talk to about Bella; she knows I will never love another person like I love her.

She tells me I should talk to her that I should tell her how I feel. She tells me Bella loves Emmett but not the way she loves me. I consume her life, says Alice, I scoff at that and tell her if that were the case she would have never fucked him to begin with.

Alice shuts up after that and doesn't bring Bella back up again.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry for the delay, got home just a little while ago...Had a blast yesterday. Pics will be posted to FB

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I have started dating again, Bree, cute girl though she may drive me crazy. She wants all of those things that Bella wanted. I don't have the heart to tell her I will never love her, I only love Bella.

Six months of dating me she gives up trying to change me or make me fall in love with her. I feel bad for hurting her, but I told her I'm broken, she just chose to ignore it.

I hear through the grapevine, that Bella won't even see Emmett anymore; he is upset and blames me. I have to remind him that she belonged to me first, and never to him actually. This shuts him up well for a little while.

Until the one day he comes to me, scared.

"Edward, she is dating James," he tells me.

"So?"

"He's bad Edward, you know this, and he's not good for her."

"Emmett she is not my girlfriend anymore, she is not my concern, if you want to help her then go right ahead, but . . ," I grit out to him.

"Fine, fine," he says to me as he walks away.


	14. Chapter 14

That's the last I hear from Emmett. I know she lets herself go, and that James almost ruins her life.

It is her life; she is going to do what she wants. I can't care about her. Though I do, Alice knows.

My life is going well; I am trying to move on, working, living and just being. I am not really happy or sad, just existing, it suits me and I am okay with that for now.

Then she has to go and screw it all up again, I think as the phone rings and I see it's her. This should be good.

"Hello"

"Hey, it's me. Can we talk?"

"I don't know, B, I don't know if I'm ready yet," I whisper.

"Not ready? Not ready? It's has been two fucking years. I need to move forward with my life, with or without you for good. I can't keep living in this yo-yo,"she screams at me.

"I can't, B. I just can't, I am not sure when, I just can't right now."

And then I cry. I'm a pussy and a mess over her.


	15. Chapter 15

That is the last I hear from her, I don't ask where she is or where she's gone. I care but at the same time, I don't anymore.

Alice tells me she's moved, and she is dating someone seriously, this makes me sad, so sad.

I want her to move on. I want to not love her anymore, but I can't I just can't.

I need to put myself out there, I need to find someone else to love or at least try.

That's when I meet Leah, she is a beautiful girl, great personality and I fall head over heels for her.


	16. Chapter 16

I keep hearing voices, but they are so far away.

I hear Bella, telling me she loves me, and she can't live without me; I hear Emmett tell me he is sorry, to please forgive him, that Bella is a mess without me.

I sleep.

I don't want to wake up.

Dream Bella is amazing, so sweet; she sits and holds my hand every day. She tells me everything is going to be okay.

That she can't lose me again, she loves me too much.

I have this same dream for what seems like forever, I talk to Tanya, she is so pretty, just like an angel.

She tells me to follow my heart and be true to myself.

"Bella?"


	17. Chapter 17

All I see are tears, and tubes.

Where the hell am I? Why is Bella here?

"Hey," she whispers, "let me get your nurse."

I am so confused; I have no idea where I am or why she is here.

A nurse comes in to check over me, and calls the doctor; while all this is going on I just look at her.

She is a vision, so beautiful; the years have been good to her.

I wonder where her boyfriend is and wonder where is Leah? Why is Bella here and not Leah?

"Bella, where is Leah? What is going on? What happened?" I ask in a panic, God was Leah with me? Did she die and no one wants to tell me?

"Edward, calm down, I will tell you anything and everything you want, but just calm down okay?" Bella says.

"Okay, where is Leah? Why are you here and not her?"

I see the hurt in her eyes, but I need to know where my girlfriend is.

"Who's Leah?"


	18. Chapter 18

I remember that night, I was going to pick Leah up for our date, we had been together for about seven or eight months by then and we're going to celebrate.

I was going to talk to her about moving in with me, I was so happy. The irony was not lost on me, that I couldn't do that with Bella.

I stopped at a red light, it was just turning green, I rolled forward, and I saw headlights.

That was the last thing I remembered.

My last thought was of Bella, and how much I loved her.

I should tell her.


	19. Chapter 19

"Leah? Who's Leah?" she asks.

At that moment Alice walks in, tears in her eyes and I can tell this is not going to be good.

"She's gone Edward; she never even came to the hospital. I am so sorry; she called me and got the things from your place. She said she couldn't handle seeing you like this, and she was sorry," Alice tells me while tears are flowing down her face.

"It's okay Alice, it's not your fault," I tell my baby sister as I hug her awkwardly considering my situation.

"Oh God! I am so sorry, I didn't know," Bella cries, tears running down her face.

Sorry? She is sorry, wow, even with all the fucked up things Bella has done she's here, and speaking of, I wonder where her boyfriend is.

"Bella, ummm, where is your boyfriend? Is he okay with you being here?"

"Well, Paul and I split mutually; he brought me here to you when Alice called. He actually stayed for a few days and then headed back, he told me I should follow my heart, and I am obviously not over you and still love you."

"Wow, Bella, I have no words, I'm sorry?"

"Don't be sorry, he is right, he deserves to find someone that will love him, and I am not that person. My heart only belongs to you, and I can't give my love to anyone else. I should go, you need to sort things out, spend time with your family. I can come by later if you want."

"No, we need to talk," I tell her, "I need to get some things off my chest. I always thought there was something between you and Emmett; it was always in my mind. I guess I just felt, if I ignored it, then it couldn't be real or happening. Does that make sense?"

She just nods as the tears continue to roll down her cheeks. I want to hold her so bad, not to break her heart, though I know I am about to do just that.

"I love you Bella, I love you more than anything in this world, but I just don't know if I can move past this with him. What's to say we don't get into an argument and you go running to him again? How do I know you really love me as much as you say you do?" I cry to her.

"I know I wasn't the best boyfriend, I cheated on you as well, so I can't really judge you without looking at myself. He is my brother though, and no matter what I did to push the two of you together, I don't know if I can ever trust you."

"I knew about her, Emmett told me, I asked him why you were being so distant and he told me. I never wanted to tell you that I knew. I just felt it was better that way," she tells me.

I just nod as the tears well up in my eyes, I know this is the end, I know it is going to be over forever.

"I do love you Edward, I will never be with him again, and I have been by your side since your sister called me. I only love you, and I will be yours always," she tells me.

"I need time, Bella time to get past this."


	20. Chapter 20

I feel as though I am broken, the only girl I ever truly loved is gone.

Months go by, I am home and recuperating, physically I am well, and mentally I still have some problems.

My short term memory is horrible; I have problems remembering what I did ten minutes ago. Sometimes it may take me a week to remember something if I don't write it down or tell someone right away.

I won't date, I don't even go out. I can't, I can't stop thinking about Bella and how much I miss her.

Emmett finally gets me to go out with him one Friday night, and I am so glad I do.

I see her from across the bar; she is still just as beautiful as ever.

Emmett and I have worked through our issues; he is getting married to Angela, she is an amazing girl. She has been a godsend to both of us.

Emmett sees me looking at Bella and tells me, "Just go talk to her, you've done nothing but stare since you noticed her."

I just grin, take a swallow of my beer and walk to the other side of the building.

"Bella, how are you? I haven't seen you in a while," I ask, while taking another sip of my beer.

"Um, I've been working a lot lately. I got a promotion and it seems to take a lot of my time these days," she tells me. "You?"

Well, this is it, time for me to lay my cards on the table and ask what I have wanted to ask forever, her out on a date.

"Just easing back into work, Doc wants me to take it slow since the accident," I tell her. "So, I've been meaning to call you for some time now, I uh, I … wanted to see if you'd like to go to dinner with me?"

She looks stunned for a moment, like she has no idea what to say, and for a moment I think she is going to say no.

"Dinner would be great, thanks."


	21. Chapter 21

I'm so proud of myself, it takes everything I have not to run back to Emmett and Angela with the stupid grin I have on my face.

"Well, I am guessing she must have said yes by that look on your face," Angela says all giddy.

Angela doesn't know anything about Bella and Emmett; we never thought it would be an issue, so we haven't told her. If Bella and I work out this time around, I guess that's a talk we will all have to have … so not looking forward to that.

A week passes and Emmett asks me if I have called Bella yet; I must have had this puzzled look on my face, because he said the word date.

I feel like a tool, I have asked her out and forgot about it, I didn't write it down, thank God Emmett knew about it.

I stop by the florist and place an order for some flowers to be delivered; I want to make it special and not just something random. The florist recommends orchids, they are known for their delicate beauty and exotic character. Evolving through an intricate and interesting history, the meanings of orchids include love, beauty, luxury, and strength.

This is exactly the message I want to portray to her, I fill the card out personally.

I am hoping she will forgive me, and that I can wait for her call. If not I'll be calling her.

Right after lunch my phone rings, as soon as I answer I get an ecstatic "Yes, yes of course I'll still go out with you silly boy. Nothing would make me happier."


	22. Chapter 22

Our first date in years and I am so nervous, I have no idea how it is going to go or what I am going to say.

"Bella, I want to say how sorry I am. I'm sorry for making him spend all of that time with you, for not trusting you, and then cheating on you, as well. I know that we can't make up for lost time between us, and I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore. I just wanted to see maybe if we could try to start over ... start fresh?"

"I forgave you a long time ago for cheating on me. I knew you were he told me. He only did it because I asked and you were so distant and I didn't know what was going on at the time," she tells me as her eyes fill with tears.

"I was scared, Bella. I loved you so much, you asked me to move in and I panicked. I didn't know what to do, so I ran."

"Hey, next time talk to me. Tell me what you feel. A lot of this could've been avoided. You know I'll always love him, right? Not in the capacity that I love you, but he's been my friend as well."

"I know I know that's just something I'm going to have to work through, because I want to try and really be with you."


	23. Chapter 23

Because ArlynG asked...

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Over the next few months it is hard on both of us, I am trying to learn to trust her completely, and she has been slammed with work. She's always so busy with meetings and traveling, sometimes she doesn't get my calls. I of course am paranoid from the word go. I'm trying but since we promised to communicate this time that is what I do.

"This is it, Bella. I can't do it anymore. This is too hard on me not knowing where you are or being able to see you anymore. You're always gone, hell, you don't even really live at your apartment anymore," I can tell she's scared shitless of she is about to divulge.

She takes a big breath and the words come stumbling out almost like she is scared of what I will say.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I've been transferred to Florida and I want you to come with me. Now before you say no, hear me out. I think this could be a fresh start for both of us, new place, new people, and a new life. Think about it, you don't have to answer me tonight, I have a month before I have to report to that office."

"Yes."

"Yes?" She looks at me like I have three heads and didn't hear me correctly.

"Are you sure? I mean, I know I love you and I want to be with you and only you, but I can't keep going through the Jekyll/Hyde mentality anymore," she says to me.

"I'm sure, I want you and I do trust you. I know you love me. B, don't over think it, this is good for us, it'll be good for us. I can do my job anywhere, so I won't be missing it. As far as everything else, we need a fresh start."

"How is it you know me so well and can read my thoughts, now?" she asks me with that look; she knows the one.

I look at her with a sheepish look, "I didn't realize what you meant to me until you were gone. Once I realized it was too late and the anger took over. I've grown, B, and so have you. We're in a different place now. I can't say I won't worry or freak out from time to time, but I know I can't live without you anymore."

"God, I love you so fucking much!" she exclaims, as she jumps into my arms kissing me all over.


	24. Chapter 24

Florida is awesome, this is what we've needed a true fresh start. I have had dinner with Bella and her co-workers plenty of times, and I sometimes feel bad that she feels the need to make sure I met everyone so I won't read too much into anything.

I am all good now. I see a therapist for my trust and controlling tendencies, Bella and I see a therapist together to work through any lingering issues we have with one another. We have never told anyone in our social circle anything about our past. That is the one thing that neither Bella nor I bring up unless we are in therapy.

It has been fabulous and has really helped us grow as a couple.

I know she is the one. I want to marry her, I love her, and I have loved her since I was twenty-two years old. She is everything to me, and I know this is going to freak her out when I tell her we need to talk.

I have a plan though.

As she walks in the door from work, I am down on one knee in our living room waiting for her.

"Bella, I love you, I have always loved you. You've been there for the best and the worst times of my life, I cannot imagine not waking up to you every day or going to sleep without you every night. I need and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Edward, of course I will, nothing would make me happier than spending my life with you," she tells me as the tears are rolling down her cheeks with the biggest smile on her face. "I love you, Edward, I've always loved you. There will never be anyone else for me but you."


	25. Epilogue

When we find out we are having babies, I know right then if we have a boy it has to be an Emmett. At first she argues with me, saying that would dredge up too many bad memories; I scoff at this.

I tell her if it hadn't been for the most fucked up relationship we all had we might not be where we are today. It made me work through my relationship issues. She laughs and tells me that was the most fucked up thing ever. We've been through a lot in the fifteen years we've been together. It has not always been easy but I wouldn't trade her for anything. Bella is my love and my life.

**/**/**

Thanks to my dear friend Quiet Drabble who Beta'd this for me, I wrote it all in two hours one day and sent it right to her.

Thank you for all of your reviews, alerts, favorites and mostly the love. You guys have been amazing in the kind words and love you leave for me, it makes my heart swell.

I am working on another story for Jones Fanfiction, it is going to be an Older/Tat/Possesiveward so if you are interested be sure to author alert me.

She asked for it, so I am writing it…I should start posting soon.

Thanks again for the love - T


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